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Remember the saying “the terrible two’s?”  Well, hold on to your hats because now the saying is “the terrible t’s” with t’s standing for two’s and three’s.  Recent research has shown that both two and three year olds are difficult to parent.  And that’s just the beginning of the transition.  I’m sure you’ve had days filled with yelling, frustrations, crying, anger, and hurt feelings.  By the middle of the day you’re exhausted because your child is unwilling to listen to you, agree with your ideas, or be content in any way possible.  You wonder if you’ll ever make it to your child’s fourth birthday. Counseling Indianapolis families for many years, experienced counselors have numerous ideas for parenting and can help promote growth and health for your entire family.

Well, if this describes you in any way, I have some relief.  Below you will find helpful tips for parenting your two or three year old.  These tips aren’t magical and won’t cure every situation, but they will be helpful in giving you new ideas on interacting with your toddler.  Read over them, pick the ones that you like best, and start exploring.  Be patient when trying the new ideas and allow yourself to try an idea more than once.  Remember if you’re excited about the change, then your toddler will be too!

First, understand that your toddler is continuously growing and learning and that every situation can be used as an opportunity to teach.  By age two and three, children have gained verbal skills, the ability to walk, run, and explore, and are learning how to express feelings, ideas, and desires.  Because you want the best for your child, you are also teaching them how to listen, follow directions, and maintain boundaries.  All of these transitions and experiences can be overwhelming for a toddler, and while every parent would love for their child to obey and think rationally in all situations, the truth is that toddlers still lack the ability to maintain and regulate themselves in a proper manner.  Because of this, you need to remind yourself that throwing fits, being defiant, and not listening are normal toddler behaviors. 

Second, use what your toddler gives you to teach your toddler about emotions, relationships, the importance of listening, and the importance of being confident in oneself.  Instead of screaming or yelling when your toddler throws a fit, try using words that will help your toddler begin learning different emotions.  Instead of saying, “Quit throwing a fit,” or “Knock it off,” try using phrases like “I see that you are frustrated,” or “I can imagine how upset you are right now.”  You have the ability to teach your toddler when you remain calm and your toddler will see that you don’t overreact to their tantrums.  Over time, your toddler will be able to recognize frustrations and use words to describe them because you have remained calm and taken the time to teach your toddler about emotions.

Third, be creative when needing your toddler to complete a task.  Saying, “I need you to pick up your toys in the next five minutes,” will only cause frustration for both of you.  Toddlers’ concept of time is not fully developed, so expecting your toddler to know how long five minutes lasts is unrealistic.  If you need to have toys picked up in five minutes and your toddler isn’t complying with your request, then get creative!  Maybe you quack like a duck while you pick up toys or you use the toy basket as a basketball hoop and see how many baskets you can make.  Playing music while cleaning is always a great way to motivate toddlers.  Have them race against the song and see if they can pick up all the toys before the song is finished.  I know that being creative can be difficult, especially when you are tired and frustrated, but taking the time and energy to develop new ideas will save you the frustrations later.

If you try some of these ideas and are still struggling with your toddler, I encourage you to seek help from a seasoned counseling professional.